How To Achieve The Ultimate Freedom

I was frustrated and angry.

It felt like nothing was improving and I was failing at life.

Over and over and over.

“There’s nothing I can do”, I thought.

And I thought wrong.

In 2019, I was heartbroken — having ended a 3-year relationship. I was anxious, angry and felt like shit.

I thought the world was out to get me. I thought God was out to get me.

Funny looking back on my life now, 6 years later, and I don’t think God hates me. I don’t think life is working against me.

I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time, I’m no longer anxious, I’m calm and I’m creating a life I want and love.

I reflected on why this is.

How has my life changed so much?

It comes down to one idea:

Responsibility

You might have read that and rolled your eyes or tense up. I did too. Or at least my younger version did.

Why should I be responsible for the things I didn’t do? It’s not my fault. It’s X, Y and Z’s.

That was my inner dialogue for years.

Even worse, because I was so self-critical, I'd blame myself for everything.

"Of course this happened, it's my fault. I'm not kind enough, smart enough, good enough, etc."

I believed the odds were so stacked against me and that I didn't deserve much.

If I got something good or something good happened, it was luck.

If I got something bad or something bad happened, that was expected.

And then there would be a few times when I’d work hard at something and get a good result… I made sure to hold on to those moments.

They felt few and far between.

But what about the things that ‘really’ weren’t my fault?

When I think of responsibility, especially personal responsibility, it means accepting that everything in my life is up to me.

This isn’t a very comforting idea for most.

There are things I couldn’t choose: who, when and where I was born. The train that didn’t come. The state of the economy. The university rejecting me.

So why would I accept all that responsibility and put it on myself?

Well, what’s the alternative?

I could ignore the circumstances of my life and keep struggling.

I could keep blaming, feeling guilty and finding fault in others, but that changes nothing.

I can accept that a circumstance isn’t my fault and still be responsible.

Because in taking responsibility there is freedom. The freedom to choose.

The freedom to choose how to make the situation better.

You give up the victim mentality and ask, “What can I do even with the odds I have stacked against me?”

Instead of letting them weigh you down, you look for the smallest way out. A way to turn things to your advantage.

In my first year of university, I wanted to start making my own money.

However, with my schedule and being away from home, I was overwhelmed, to say the least.

My schedule started with 8 am lectures and ended with 5 pm practicals.

All the part-time jobs I wanted were during class and in parts of town I was very unfamiliar with.

This led me to the infamous Google search, “how to make money online” and well, 6 years later, here I am — building and running my own business.

Funny how things turn out.

I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t decided to take responsibility for my life.

Taking responsibility means holding yourself accountable for your words, actions and life. It means you are the cause and at fault for your successes and failures.

Taking responsibility isn’t comfortable. It’s challenging and hard.

It asks you to give up the victimhood, which is attractive to many people.

It absolves people of the things that happen in their lives. Absolves them from needing to change or do anything.

But victimhood is a trap. You stay stuck in situations that make you miserable. It keeps you comfortable and complacent.

The life you desire, the better life, isn’t comfortable. It’s really uncomfortable and asks you to take responsibility and grow.

Many focus on the bad they’ll be held accountable for if they take responsibility for their lives — the failures, mistakes, wrongs and hurts — but they forget that there are also good things you’ll be accountable for — the joy, freedom, successes and opportunities.

Taking responsibility isn’t comfortable, but it’s required.

Every time you take responsibility, you lean into the discomfort. You are shaping yourself into a better person. A better version of yourself. And when you are a better version of yourself, you can undoubtedly have a better life.

You can’t control everything that happens in your life. It’s simply impossible.

But what you can control are your responses, actions and choices. If you commit to controlling what you can with the best intentions every day, you will change your life for the better.

Personal responsibility is freedom and freedom is the hardest path.

But it’s also the most rewarding because at least you can live the life you want. You have power and control over your life.

That is personal responsibility at its core for me: the ability to choose, change and do something to create the life I want.

Most people become successful because they stop blaming everyone and everything else for their problems.

They took responsibility.

My favourite story of personal responsibility is this:

Two twin boys were raised by an alcoholic father.

One grew up to be an alcoholic and when asked what happened he said “I watched my father.”

The other grew up and never drank in his life. When he was asked what happened he said “I watched my father.”

In some versions of the story the son who grew up to be an alcoholic struggled in almost every area of his life, while the son who never drank went on to be a very successful business owner.

Two boys, same circumstances, two different lives.

Why?

Because they each made a choice.

One to be a victim and blame everything on the world and his father. The other to be a victor and take responsibility to live a life unlike his father’s.

You can either be the victim or the victor in your life. The choice is yours.

And with that choice, the ultimate freedom is possible.

– Shana

PS: If you are ready to take responsibility and build the life you want, I’m here to help.

Click here and I’ll show you how to start.