The dream life.

That’s what we all want.

That’s what you want.

And you know it’s possible because you’ve seen it.

You see the lives others live.

You see how others have completely turned their lives around.

And because they have done it, you know you can too.

So you decide that you ARE going to do it.

You set a big goal that you want to achieve. One that forces you outside your comfort zone but doesn’t feel like something fictional.

Again, you’ve seen others do it, so you know it’s possible.

You know it’s going to take time and effort, but you’re optimistic, motivated and willing.

And so it begins.

Two weeks into working towards this goal, and you’re feeling good.

You’ve been consistently showing up, and you’re fired up.

A few missteps here and there, but that’s part of making changes in your life.

Weeks 3 and 4 roll around, and though you’re still showing up, motivation isn’t as high. Now, you’re using more discipline.

Maybe you’re seeing some progress, maybe not. But you keep going anyway.

p.s. If you’ve made it this far towards a long-term goal, you’re doing better than 83% of people.

Then you get to week 8 and holy crap…

Nothing has changed.

It feels like you aren’t making any progress.

Sure, your habits have changed, but you aren’t seeing the results you want.

It feels like you’re blindly working towards some imaginary goal.

Fatigue is creeping in.

The discipline feels like punishment.

And pretending to be enthusiastic is just a waste of time.

You knew it would take some time to make progress and achieve your goal, but you didn’t expect it to be this long.

It feels like the work you’ve put in hasn’t gotten you any closer to your goal, so you throw in the towel.

But this goal.

This goal is really important to you.

It’s something you really want to achieve, because if you do, your life will change.

You think about all the work you’ve put in, and you wouldn’t call it a waste.

It’s progress, and it’s put you in a better position than when you first started.

So you pick up the towel and go after it again.

And soon you might enter a never-ending cycle of “start, stop, start, stop”.

If this sounds like anything you’ve experienced, don’t worry.

It’s happened to a lot of people, myself included.

In a previous newsletter, I talked about the neuroscience of motivation and how to tap into the 5 intrinsic drivers.

You can read it here: 

But there’s another trap you fall into when working towards a dream that sabotages you more than you realise.

The Gradual Loss of Motivation

There’s a roller coaster of emotions, unexpected challenges and drops in motivation that will throw you off course on the way to achieving your goals.

Some days, you show up and do everything on your to-do list.

You go the extra mile and do two more things that stretch you.

And you feel amazing!

Other days, you show up and do the same thing.

You knock off everything on your to-do list, maybe you do three things more, but this time, you feel… nothing.

The excitement of changing your life is starting to wear off.

The tasks are becoming repetitive and monotonous.

The days feel flat.

It’s not that you’re struggling to show up and be consistent.

It’s just that you’re bored.

Some days, though you’ve done all your highest-leverage tasks, it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress.

And that lack of progress is starting to affect you.

You look up towards the goal, and it doesn’t feel like you’re any closer to it.

It feels like you just have more and more to do.

And the more you compare the gap between where you are to the goal, the less motivated you feel.

Why Most People Quit

You know that motivation isn’t enough.

That’s true because it fades.

But a loss of motivation isn’t why most people quit.

There’s another sneakier trap you fall into that could lead to you quitting on your goal.

But let me ask you this.

Why are you working towards your goal in the first place?

Shana, come on. You started your newsletter with it. I want to live my dream life.

And yes, I get that, but why do you want your dream life?

And before you try to punch me through the screen, I’ll tell you.

You want your goals, your dream life, because you expect it to make you feel something.

You expect it to make you feel something that you aren’t feeling right now.

Whether consciously or unconsciously, you believe that by achieving this goal, you will feel:

• Secure

• Proud

• Happy

• Lovable

• Confident

• Successful

So you start working towards this goal because of this belief.

“If I get X, then I’ll feel Y.”

You start taking action, and in the beginning, you are on cloud nine.

Imagining how you’ll feel when you get the goal.

But as time goes on and you start noticing that you aren’t feeling that way, you start to panic.

When the dopamine doesn’t hit—when you do everything right and still feel flat—your brain starts to question everything:

“If I don’t feel any different after doing all this… what’s the point?”

So you stop.

Not because you aren’t capable.

Not because you aren’t making progress.

But because you’re emotionally disconnected from the journey.

The Real Reason You’re Chasing That Goal

Every goal you chase has one thing in common:

It’s not about the achievement—it’s about how we think the achievement will make us feel.

You want a car to feel free.

You want money to feel secure.

You want the body to feel confident.

You want relationships to feel loved.

You want recognition to feel important.

In psychology, this is called emotional transference—projecting the emotion you want onto a future event, and delaying your ability to feel it until the event happens.

Research in psychology and neuroscience has highlighted that we do everything for an emotion.

We’re emotional beings, and we engage in various experiences to feel an emotion.

Whether it’s feeling less of a negative emotion or more of a positive emotion.

We eat food when we aren’t hungry to avoid boredom.

We complain about our problems to feel understood.

We share our accomplishments to feel important.

We get into one-night stands to feel less lonely.

We hug our loved ones to feel connected.

We call friends to feel joy.

Everything we do is to feel something.

The same is with your goals.

You set goals in the future for the emotions and feelings you believe you’ll feel when you achieve them.

But this is the trap.

The thing that holds you back.

Because in transferring the emotions you want to feel onto a goal that will be achieved in the future, you train your brain to think:

“I’ll only be happy/proud/loved/confident when I hit the goal.”

So until then, you deprive yourself of all the joy, pride, and fulfilment you could feel… even though you’re showing up and doing the damn work.

But there is a way around this.

Feel It Now

The most powerful shift you can make is this:

Feel the feeling now.

Not when you get the body.

Not when you get the girl or boy.

Not when you cross the finish line.

Not when you double your income.

Not when you travel to the city that was on your vision board.

Now.

Every day that you show up, that’s a win.

Every time you follow through on what you said you’d do, that’s a win.

Even the days when it feels mundane or pointless, you’re still building the muscle of the person you’re becoming.

So start celebrating the process, not just the outcome.

Don’t just measure how far you still have to go.

Measure how far you’ve already come.

This is powerful because humans are wired for reward.

When you give yourself a feeling of progress, safety, pride, or fulfilment now, your brain starts associating those emotions with the process itself.

That’s how you build intrinsic motivation.

You can read the newsletter on intrinsic motivation here.

When you celebrate yourself along the way, the goal becomes inevitable.

You’re no longer dependent on external outcomes to feel good—you’ve become emotionally self-sufficient. And ironically, that’s when the results start to accelerate.

Now you might be thinking, “If I feel the feeling now, then why work towards the goal?”

And this question reveals a lie we’ve been conditioned to believe.

That the only reason to pursue a goal is because it will make you feel something you’re currently not feeling.

You fear that if you allow yourself to feel proud/loved/proud/ confident/successful now, you’ll lose the drive to achieve anything.

But here’s the thing.

You didn’t set that goal to feel something.

You set the goal because it represents the person you can become.

A goal forces you to become someone else to achieve it, and in achieving it, you become that person.

The pursuit of a goal is a vessel to becoming who you want to be.

The goal stretches you, grows you, and allows you to live at a higher level.

You can feel proud of yourself now and still build your business.

You can feel confident today and continue working on your body.

You can feel loved and still get into a relationship.

Feeling the feeling now doesn’t negate the goal.

It makes you more aligned with the goal and makes the process of achieving it easier.

When you stop chasing a goal to fix an emotional void, you start showing up from a place of wholeness, not desperation.

You stop needing the goal to complete you and start creating from alignment, not anxiety.

And that’s when you achieve the goal effortlessly.

How To Balance Feeling It Now with Action

Here’s a simple but powerful system to anchor into the journey and stay emotionally engaged:

1. Daily Check-In

At the end of each day, ask:

• How did I show up today?

• How did I make myself feel [desired emotion]?

• What would my future self be proud of today?

Even if the answer is “I didn’t quit”—that counts. Celebrate it.

2. Weekly Reflection

Block out 10–15 minutes every week to reflect.

Journal on:

• What progress did I make this week?

• What am I proud of?

• What’s one win—big or small—I’m not giving myself credit for?

Don’t skip this. The repetition trains your brain to find proof of your progress, which strengthens your confidence and motivation.

3. Emotional Rehearsal

Whatever emotion you’ve attached to your goal—pride, confidence, love, joy—practice feeling it now.

Close your eyes.

Remember that feeling.

Anchor it into the present moment.

Anchor it to the actions you take towards the goal.

You’re allowed to feel proud before you get to the finish line.

Closing Thoughts

If you don’t learn how to see yourself now—to recognise your effort, your progress, your growth—you’ll always feel like you’re chasing something that feels out of reach.

But this goal is very much in your reach.

You are capable of achieving it.

You are capable of living your dream life.

You’re showing up.

You’re making progress.

You’re creating the life you want.

You’re becoming who you want to be.

So instead of waiting to live your dream life to feel your desired emotion, ask yourself:

• In the last 30 days, when did I feel proud of myself?

• When did I last celebrate myself?

• Can I let myself feel [desired emotion] now?

What you think is the destination is the starting location.

So start there.

You don’t have to wait until the end of the year to feel proud.

You don’t have to wait until you hit your goal to feel fulfilled.

You get to feel it now because you have access to your emotions.

And when you do, you’ll finally start building momentum that lasts.

Thank you for reading.

I hope you enjoyed it.

See you in the next one.

— Shana