When I was young, I thought the only thing I wanted to be was happy, because deep down I wasn’t.

I looked around at those around me and all I could see was how happy they looked.

I didn’t feel as happy as they looked, so I thought something was wrong with me.

So I made it a goal to be happy. By any means necessary.

But later in life, between 2020 - 2022, I heard something that would change how I think of happiness forever.

Don’t Chase the Temporary.

Happiness is an emotion.

Some say that emotions are energy in motion. They can be intense or mild.

Dr Joe Dispenza explains that emotions are the by-product of an experience.

You will experience emotions because you go through many events and experiences.

Because of these endless experiences, we feel different emotions.

But like experiences, emotions come and go.

They fluctuate in our lives.

You feel sadness because of this experience, anger because of that one and apathy in another.

Your emotions are fluid, flexible and momentary.

To live is to experience and embrace every emotion you can.

Because of emotions' fleeting nature, being happy all the time is to be in one emotional state.

Experiencing one emotion forever is nearly impossible.

What’s worse is that the media and advertising companies have glorified and sold this one emotion as the end all be all.

The one thing that you should strive for more than anything else.

Happiness in the 21st century is a lie.

A lie that people will do anything, for no price is too high if it means being happy.

You’re told to chase happiness and to go through challenges that test you and almost break you.

All in the hope that you will enter the promised land of happiness.

This lie however only leads to one thing:

Unhappiness.

But why?

After everything you did, why are you unhappy?

The Truth Behind the Lie

You change jobs for a new thrill, even though you know the new one is dreadful.

You try out the latest diet to lose a few extra pounds, even though you feel hungry, weak and tired.

You date that new person for the butterflies, even though three months down the line you are irritated by the thing you first found adorable.

You binge the latest series on TV for the dopamine hits, even though they keep us from achieving our dreams in real life.

You do all these things because you believe they will lead you to happiness.

You consume, chase and try everything external to finally ‘enjoy life’.

Because this is what everyone said you should do if you want to be happy.

Of course, you want to be happy, right?

Right?

When you’ve finally achieved something great, something worth being happy around, the life you always wanted, you enjoy it... for a moment.

Because that’s all happiness is… a moment.

And when you don’t see that, you compare yourself to someone else and think, “Wow, she looks really happy. I wonder what she has that I don’t.”

Until you see happiness for what it is:

An emotion, a moment and not something meant to last forever, you’ll stay on this hamster wheel.

You’ll do different things only to be happy but be disappointed. Because the happiness didn’t last forever like you were promised.

You eat processed food.

You feel EMPTY afterwards.

You scroll for endless hours on social media.

You feel EMPTY afterwards.

You have casual sex or meaningless hooks.

You feel EMPTY afterwards.

You buy the latest and hottest fashion items.

You feel EMPTY afterwards.

Are you seeing a trend here?

You do all these things in the name of happiness but none of them give you the happiness you were promised.

Chasing happiness will leave you disappointed time and time again.

And it’s not your fault.

You were sold a lie.

Now I don’t want you to feel like there’s no point to existence or your goals.

So here’s what I think is the real goal we should be working towards.

The Hidden Treasure

What you need and desire in life is FULFILLMENT.

You say you want a bigger house when you really want a home and safety.

You say you want bigger and more expensive gifts when you really want to feel appreciated.

You say you want the latest car when you really want to be seen and accepted.

You say you want a wild night out with friends when you really want connection.

You say you want more money when you really want freedom and peace of mind.

You think you want happiness. You really need fulfilment.

The best way I can describe fulfilment is a feeling of contentment and satisfaction.

Now this doesn’t mean once you’re fulfilled life is perfect, but the feeling lasts.

Fulfilment also forces you to grow.

It focuses less on what you must do to get it, and more on who you need to be.

It asks you to step up and work on yourself.

To become all that you can be to have all that you want.

Ultimately, happiness takes while fulfilment gives.

Happiness is fleeting while fulfilment lasts and grows.

Happiness makes you work to get things while fulfilment makes you work to become all you could be. To live up to your full potential.

Happiness is a scam while fulfilment is the real deal.

This is the difference you must understand.

You don’t want to chase happiness — happiness is an emotion.

Fulfilment is what you want. Fulfilment is a state of being – meaning it lasts.

Here’s how you can achieve fulfilment:

Process 1

• Define one goal that you have in your life.

  • It can be anything — making X amount of money, losing weight, buying a car, getting into a relationship, etc.

• Once clear on your goal, ask yourself why you want it.

• Once you’ve answered that, ask yourself why again. e.g. I want to lose weight → to feel better in my body → because I don’t like it right now →

• You want to keep asking yourself why until you almost can’t go deeper into why you want something.

• That usually takes 5 to 7 levels deep.

• And this exercise is meant to be challenging and uncomfortable. You might highlight deep fears and insecurities that you have hidden for many years.

• Those deep hidden parts of you, however, are the parts of you that really want the goal.

And it will give you a clear picture as to why you want the things that you do. It might encourage you to go after them harder, which is fine because at least you know why you really want it.

Or it might encourage you to change and look for something else. Something that aligns better with your deep WHY.

Though your WHY may not be something that leads to happiness, it does lead to you feeling fulfilled and whole.

The meaning you create in your life is what leads to you living your best life.

So less chasing happiness and more creating fulfilment.

— Shana