Why You Aren’t Where You Want To Be

I reflect a lot on the darkest periods of my life.

To figure out why they happened and what I could have done to prevent them from happening.

Though they are experiences I never want to go through again, I’m thankful for them because they made me who I am today.

The person I am today and who I was 5+ years ago are so different.

And there’s one main shift that has led to this difference: clarity.

The old version of me was relentless about getting clear.

And it’s because of that relentlessness, I am here today.

Everyone has limitless potential, but only a handful will experience that potential.

And to experience that potential, you need to get clear on 3 things.

1. What You Want

Most people will experience the same year over and over again because they live based on the past.

They say they want to make more money, to get in shape, to improve their relationships and to do something new, but they never do.

Why is that?

Because they never take the time to create a vision of their future.

If you don’t create a vision for your future, you will live based on your past.

Or you will live a life assigned to you by other people.

I’m writing to you today because I got clear on what I wanted my future to look like.

I envisioned my life 5 - 10 years in the future.

And it didn’t come all at once, it took time. But it's this time that I've invested that has gotten me here.

When you get clear on your vision, you begin to find ways of making it a reality.

You start creating a plan.

You start searching for different things on the internet.

You start having different conversations with people.

You consciously and unconsciously start changing your thoughts and your behaviours.

You start living following your future.

You can completely change your life by getting clear on the big picture.

On your ideal future.

As you get clear you can reverse engineer the process of getting there.

But it all starts with figuring out: ‘What do I want?”

2. Why You Want It

Knowing what you want doesn’t mean you’re going to get it.

So many people at the beginning of the year say they want to get into shape. Speak to 90% of those same people again and they’ve given up on the goal.

They haven’t gotten what they want or made the change they wanted.

And there’s a simple reason for that: life happens.

Let me explain.

When you or someone else says they want to change, it’s not an easy process.

Challenges are going to come up, you’re going to have to change your ways and give up parts of your old life.

If you want to get in shape, you’re going to have to cut down on processed foods.

You’re going to have to drink more water than cold drinks and sodas.

You’re going to have to be aware of your eating habits and say no to another serving of dessert.

You’re going to have to cut down on drinking and sleep either.

Most people KNOW what to do to get the life they want or at least find out with the vast amount of information we have access to, but few change their lives.

And it’s because when the hard challenges come up, they can’t face them and overcome them.

But the few who do can because they have a strong reason why.

Those who achieve the life they want don’t rely on motivation and aren’t swayed by the challenges they face.

They are emotionally invested in their future and they are disciplined.

They do whatever is necessary to achieve their goals despite how they feel.

Because they are so emotionally invested towards their goal, they can keep going even when they face challenges.

Human beings are emotional creatures. We do the things we do to feel something.

Make more money and get a fancy car → feel seen and appreciated.

Going onto social media → feel entertained and avoid boredom.

Help the community → feel useful and of service.

Avoid challenges → feel comfortable and safe.

Call a loved one → feel connected.

Drink alcohol → feel less stressed.

Everything we do is to experience a feeling.

It may not be obvious and you might think some of your actions don’t align with a specific feeling, but it does.

And simply that feeling is being yourself.

You do certain things because it feels congruent with who you see yourself to be.

So if there is a goal you want to achieve, make sure you ask yourself,

“why do I want it?”

• Do you want to feel secure?

• Do you want to feel confident?

• Do you want to retire your mom?

• Do you want to feel more respected?

• Do you want to take care of your family?

• Do you want to feel love and belonging?

Whatever the reason is, let it be. As long as you’re honest with yourself about it, that’s all that matters.

3. Who You Need to Be

For the longest time, I couldn’t understand why I failed at achieving certain goals.

I had the plans.

I took the actions and showed up but then I’d sabotage my progress and go back to where I started.

This is a cycle that repeated so often in my life.

But it wasn’t until I stopped focusing on all the tactics and strategies to achieve my goals and improve myself.

I started looking at the principles.

And one of those principles is beautifully stated by author, James Clear:

“Over the long run, however, the real reason you fail to stick with habits is that your self-image gets in the way. This is why you can't get too attached to one version of your identity. Progress requires unlearning. Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to continuously edit your beliefs, and to upgrade and expand your identity.”

It was my identity.

I didn’t see myself as the person who could achieve my goals and have the life I wanted.

I was still operating as my old self. Someone who was “trying” X or just “doing” Y.

By focusing solely on the actions or processes, I always fell short of my goals.

I struggled to achieve them because I never went to the deepest layer of my being. Where all change comes from the identity.

I had to become the person who effortlessly has what I want.

By getting clear on who I need to be, I've been able to grow my business and get into better shape.

So if there is a goal that you have been wanting to achieve or keep falling short of, focus less on the goal and more on who you need to be.

Become the person who is capable of that goal and you will have it.

Clarity System

To have the life you want, you need to get clear on 3 things:

1. What you want

   • Spend 30 minutes to an hour with a pen and paper.

   • Imagine where you want to be in 5 - 10 years.

   • If that’s too far ahead, consider where you want to be in 12 months.

   • Avoid judging yourself for stating what you want just because you don’t know how you’ll achieve it.

   • For now, ignore the how and focus on what you want.

2. Why you want

   • Once you’ve gotten clear on what you want, be honest about why you want it.

   • The first answer you give yourself will be a superficial one. That’s not the fuel that will keep you going when challenges come.

   • Ask yourself “Why?” at least 5 times until you get to a deep reason why.

   • Once you’ve gotten that emotional why link it to your vision and remember to connect to it when challenges come up.

3. Who you need to be

   • The life you have now is a reflection of your identity and how you see yourself.

   • To achieve the vision and achieve a new life, you need to become the person who can.

   • Identity these 3 key components:

     • The beliefs of the person you want to become.

     • The traits of the person you want to become.

     • The skills of the person you want to become.

   • Once you’ve identified and created a picture of this person, start embodying and acting like them.

— Shana

P.S.

If you want help with this clarity system and creating your ideal life, book a free call with me:  https://calendly.com/shanamdluli/claritycall